When Valentine's Day Hurts a Parents Heart.

By Dena Yohe

   Holidays hurt when a mom or dad doesn't receive the love they long for from one of their children, especially on Valentine's Day, the love holiday. For parents of rebellious, wayward children; of addicts and the mentally unstable, or of any other situation that brings heartache, any holiday is a dreaded occasion. I get it. I’ve been a member of that club—the Oh-no-not-another-holiday club.
   For members of this club, the sense of loss is huge. Overwhelmed with soul-pain, it cuts deep.

Stabbing. Searing. Crushing. Maybe you're like I was, so depressed I couldn’t find pleasure in anything. I wondered when I would smile or laugh again.

   We withdraw and socialize infrequently with family or friends. Every significant relationship is affected, including our marriage and relationships with our other children (if we have others). Obsessed with the need to control or fix, our child resists, not wanting any help. Life becomes miserable.
   Please take this word of caution to heart. If we don't take steps to care for ourselves, we jeopardize our health; physically, emotionally and spiritually. We could even put ourselves in danger of losing the will to live because we just want the pain to end.
   Like with Thanksgiving or Christmas, when a holiday comes, our hurt intensifies exponentially. It shines a spotlight on our broken hearts. We want it to hurry up and be over.
   Is your pain increasing with Valentine's Day coming in a few weeks? Does it feel like someone poured salt in an open wound, reminding you of lost hopes and dreams?
   If it does, there are some things you can do to lessen your suffering.

These 3 things helped me:

1. Shift Focus.  Instead of dwelling on what you've lost focus on what you still have. There are some good things in your life. It’s not all bad.  And don't forget to live your own life. You do have one and it does matter.

2. Let Go. Release the need for your child to love you back the way you want. Stop dreaming of the perfect, fantasy relationship. God never intended another human being to fully meet our need for love. Yes, we need people. We were created that way. We’re part of the body of Christ, the church. However, He intended for us to look solely to Him for our heart’s deepest satisfaction, not to our child.